Friday, June 26, 2020

Uninheriting

With the advent of this virus, we began ordering our groceries to be delivered. The fee is nominal compared to the risk of shopping. In fact, we might just continue this from now on. Current events are changing the way we do things.

My friend lives in a condo. Her daughters all live out of state. Yet they pay for many of her bills and try to help out financially. This friend has a 401k as well as owns her condo. She was talking about the things she would like to buy but is worried about the money. She is worried about the possibility of living in a senior home someday.

Me: You have a 401k and own your condo. Spend your money! You are 80. It's your money to enjoy. You have coverage if you go to a home someday.
Her: Well, when my parents passed they had nothing. There was nothing for their kids.
Me:  You don't need to save for your kids. They are all financially stable, and they are adults able to accept responsibility for their own lives and futures.
Her:  Oh, I guess so.
ARGH!

It is archaic to think that you have to provide for your children. Hopefully, we raise kids who can handle or not handle their finances and work their ways through the challenge called life! Parents are not the bank or savings and loan. No. We save to send them and their children through college and settle into their new adulthood, but once they are on their own, they are indeed on their own. We had to learn. So do they.

We know a couple who are seniors, well-to-do seniors. They have money in trusts for their kids and grandkids that will keep them afloat in the future. Yet, two of their children who are raising children can use the help now. What a great way to give to them now. Why save it for later? Why not enjoy the money with the children and grandchildren who share life with them now? 

I know I sound like a hardass woman, but I am not. After both of my parents were gone, we discovered that they had a great deal of money. All of our lives we saw them suffer through loss, mortgage the farm, struggle to make it through each year financially. They did not get the money until much later in life, but to know that the money was there and they did without was heartbreaking. Not to say that the money wasn't nice for the daughters, but knowing that my mom would have had an easier life, maybe gone to see her daughter more or done more things in her life which she never even thought to do when poor, broke my heart when she passed. 

Our parents work hard for their money. It is theirs to spend. The day of saving for inheritance is passed. I am blessed with memories to embrace from the years with my parents. I have a history that I love given to me by the parents who bore me. I need nothing more from them. They gave their all. They gave their lives for us.

Yes, my friend could help her daughters out by showing them how independent she truly is in taking care of her own business. As parents, living our lives to the fullest is showing our families what it is to be caring adults. I don't want to be remembered by a dollar sign. I want to be remembered for the gifts I can share with my family now. 

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