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Reindeer by Gabby |
I know about this first hand. My sister, June, was my parents pride and joy. Whenever my parents met up with friends, my sister was the daughter they talked about. It wasn't her fault. My parents had spent two years taking care of my sister bedfast with rheumatic fever. That she recovered was a miracle. So, she deserved to be the favorite. Not to say she isn't talented. My sister is fantastic. She's smart, artistic and fun. But this isn't about my sister. This is about how children perceive that differential treatment.
Recently, a mother told me that it was natural to feel closer to one child. The mother was my daughter. The anger I had felt all my life surfaced. Then I stepped back and thought about it. Had I done this to my child?
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By Sydney |
My son and I have a great deal in common. We both love music and theatre. We both are observers and writers. So did that commonality cause my daughter to feel outside of that bond?
From birth on, my daughter had preferred her daddy's arms. For a first mom, it hurt. We were alone in Wisconsin, away from family. I needed to have that love from my daughter. I had the same bond with my daddy and wonder now if my mother had felt left out. Despite the efforts to build that relationship, my daughter saw it differently. Now we struggle to know one another.
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By Gabby |
Gabby often hears: "Don't run. Gabby, a little quieter, please. Gabby, what are you doing? Oh, Gabby.....". A bundle of energy.
We sit at the craft table. Sydney paints to perfection. Gabby paints with gusto. One has precise, beautiful art. The other has pure delight in the feel of the brush which reflects in the wonderful pictures she paints and draws. It is easy to ooh and aah over Sydney's pictures. Gabby's make me laugh. Each gifted with talent.
By Sydney |
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By Gabby |
I am an adult who can look at her own past and understand. My sister and I are very close. I absolutely adore her.
We are the grandparents. We are the weights who can balance the differences and make it better. Two peas in a pod.
Well spoken and so true.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jake. I can't imagine that an only child ever experiences this unintentional hurt. Perhaps we need to treat each child as an only child, teaching them to embrace the differences and one another.
ReplyDeleteI have a poll about this subject on my Facebook page. Just click on the poll tab.
ReplyDeleteYour words are very insightful. I was the only girl in my family with 4 brothers. Everyone always joked that I was the favorite. Now I think about my own children and grandchildren.
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