Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Rainbow Connection

“Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?”

A row of first graders stood on the stage, little voices nervously singing out. Handmade, paper rainbow headbands wrapped around little heads. Each child held the string of a helium-filled balloon creating a row of rainbow colors.

“Rainbows are visions, but only illusions…”

I was a young mother who had just returned from a trip back to Ohio, to the farm, where I needed my nest to help me heal, to protect me while I made a major decision for my children, for myself. I had been in Oregon about eight months trying to reconcile with my husband. Oregon was to be our new start; however, the new start had taken a huge slide backwards.

There is a part of parenting that is extremely tedious, so difficult. Making decisions that affect a family are something we do every day, but some of those decisions can also change lives in permanent ways. My daughter’s teacher and school principal understood our flight from Oregon for a few weeks. My parents were supportive despite their belief that divorce should never be an option. This was a decision only I could make. One that hurt each night I tucked my toddler son and small daughter into bed.

“…and rainbows have nothing to hide.”

Two of us were responsible for our problems. We brought our own histories, our own deficiencies, our own doubts to our marriage. Some lessons are learned the hard way. Some take a life time to learn. I was at a crossroad without a map. I was facing a test of strength, that of going forward alone or that of putting the past behind and trying again.

“So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.”

I came back to Oregon. I came back for my kids and myself. Life began moving forward one step at a time.

“Someday we’ll find it, the Rainbow Connection ”

My beautiful daughter was dressed in the one and only homemade dress I would ever make for her. I had purchased a pretty, pink half slip for her to wear beneath it. Sitting on the front row watching my daughter who stood proudly right in the middle of the stage, I saw her half slip hanging a couple of inches below the dress hem and the string of her lovely deflated balloon draped her hand. No matter how rough life might be, we would face adversity, both big and small, together. We would survive.

“The Lovers, the Dreamers and Me.”

A mother’s love for her children…..a rainbow connection.

“Rainbow Connection” by Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher

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