With a daughter-in-law and her family, it is a time of trying to feel my way into my place in all of this. Often I feel like an intruder. I feel much closer to my daughter-in-law with a relationship that grows with each passing day. Yet so often I feel on the outside. It is my problem. Not theirs. I am missing my granddaughters and their relationship with their cousins they have only seen once. I am missing my family.
In all of this, I ask myself what I really feel about the situation. I love my son dearly. He has been one of my best friends. I struggle watching him struggle with crying babies and the times he feels helpless. He was a colicky baby, so I do understand. Yet with older parents I find that my place is different than that with my daughter who had babies in her 20's.
Things I adhere to:
1. My son and his wife are in charge of the babies.
2. Their way of raising a child might be different from mine, but I have a responsibility to follow their lead.
3. I am there to help them. Not to take over.
4. I should not shoulder all of the responsibility of the house, because it is again their responsibility and their home. Life will be normal one day.
5. James is the father and Lisa the mother. I am there to encourage them with their children and not take over the children.
6. The children have a routine. I need to do all I can to support that routine.
7. I need to follow the rules and not play the grandma card when I watch the babies.

9. I need to keep my mouth shut if I get frustrated and to be the peacemaker not the problem solver.
10. I need to leave me outside the door when I visit and find joy in watching them become parents.
It is different scenario this time. I love Lisa and James and watching them grow into the role of parent. I think maybe I understand the grandma sitting in her rocker watching the family. I think perhaps she sits watching as the family she started grows into a family of their own. Perhaps that is really what grandparenting is all about. We pick up where needed, especially those raising their grandchildren. We are the Red Cross of parenthood. We do what is necessary to keep our family protected. We also step aside when the young family is learning. We hand over the present and the future to these young parents having done our job with our own families. Now we get to hold babies and give our grandchildren all that we can to help them grow into loving, caring adults.
At one time generations ago parents may have been too frightened to learn or attempt the new. As our generations have experienced new freedoms and information flows into our hands and minds we are questioning openly what our ancestors may have thought within. We are all born with the wondrous organ called the brain, as we live our lives we create a mind, how it is nourished by those caring for us is what will build the life it is about to live.
ReplyDeleteKen Ollenberg
Saskatoon Canada
Thanks, Ken. I agree completely. I love being a grandparent who can give the wisdom of the past as well as adventures of the present and dreams for the future. We grandparents can open doors to creativity and conversation.
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