Monday, January 9, 2012

Out with the Old

Out with the old; in with the new. I had three piles of items to move. One would go to storage. One would go with me to my new place. The last would go to the Salvation Army. Oh, and one would go to the trash. Four piles. Over the days that I packed, some items jumped from pile to pile. Once in awhile a piece would go home with someone who came to help. Out with the Old.

The piles left the house and went to their appointed locations. My current room looks like a mini storage unit as I try to organize.

"Mom, why don't you just get rid of most of it?" my son asked.

He doesn't realize how much I have moved and downsized to the point that what I have is what I cherish. He won't have a house to go through when I go. Only a storage unit the size of a small room.

Out with the old; in with the new. Hm. It occurred to me that I was not only doing housekeeping sorting through what I would keep and what I would not, but I was also doing this with my life. I am putting aside what I cannot control and that which is hurtful in order to find the new 'old' me. Over time I became someone different. My smile seemed to hide and I spent more time away from the friction trying to hold on to my self. I lost my 'old'. I became something that wasn't new, but someone who was wearing the cloak of fear and loss.

It is a new year. A start over. My piles of things are safely stowed away. I am in an atmosphere of peace and love. Yes, I will heal and move forward, but I will not be the 'old' any more. I have learned much in this sorting into piles. I have learned much from this sorting through my life. This is not about what I have learned, but truly this is about what I can learn.

The car was loaded when the key turned in the lock for one last time. A sense of relief came with that locking of a door, a door that held good times overshadowed by much hurt. I had done my grieving for what I was losing in living apart from my grandchildren. Now I was dreaming of what I could give them from a healthy heart.

Bring it on! Bring on the new! I'm ready.

3 comments:

  1. I hope this new journey of change brings you lots of peace and happiness. Change isn't easy but you sound very strong and very ready. My fingers are crossed for you.

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  2. Grandma Kc, thanks. I believe that change is what keeps us young. If I get through all this, I should be about 21 when it is over. Thank you for your kind words.

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  3. We all have a lot of "baggage" that we can live without, but it sounds as if you are getting yours sorted out.

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