Thursday, December 15, 2011

Unbridled Love

For those of you who follow my blog, I'm sure you have noticed that I am at loose ends. The good idea of my daughter and I living together proved to be a really bad idea. I am trying to find my footing again. I learned that living with my child made me lose myself. The fact that I'm unemployed has not helped my self-esteem and thinking that I was doing my best and it wasn't good enough has given me another hurt to heal.

I have moved in with a good friend, Paulette, and her husband who have had similar problems with their one child. The atmosphere of healing surrounds me even though guilt and pain seem to be packed neatly in a little bundle on my back waiting for me to open time and time again. You cannot hold on to a child's love. They have to give it to you freely. You cannot buy it with good deeds and actions. It has to be discovered by the child.

I will see my granddaughters less which hurts. Sorta an empty nest feeling. However, I will see them through their father. Our time with be precious.

A friend once said that having children was too difficult and that maybe it is better without them. Oh, no. Never. Even with the pains we all experience as child and adult, the beauty of having children and grandchildren cannot be doubted. The love I give my family cannot be bridled.

I'm determined to keep my chin up and take each day as it comes. A book is in progress. A grandma is learning more about herself....and maybe liking herself a little better. A holy season is upon us and I wrap myself in its grace.

I thank you for staying with me. I am truly blessed.

On Neff Road today: The Prancing and Pawing of Each Little Foot

6 comments:

  1. This was beautiful.
    I love how you write: with ease, style and simplicity all in one.
    Mostly, though, I love how you write from the heart. It is just beautiful.

    Thank you, xx

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  2. Oh, and I forgot to say: continue keeping your chin up.
    These days will pass, too, and better ones will come.

    You are such an inspiration to me. Please keep up your amazing work.

    Thank you, xx

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  3. Merry Christmas Pamela. I hope next year will bring you lots of peace, happiness and healing. You aren't alone. It has been a struggle for a lot of people these last few years, myself included. I also lost my job and have only been "temping" for the last 3 years and it really does mess with your self esteem. Next year WILL be better.

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  4. Thank you, Grandma Kc

    I am repairing myself in the company of good friends who want me with them. My faith says that I am in good Hands.

    Have a wonderful Christmas full of blessings and happiness.

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  5. Thank you all for holding me up. I need a boost and am grateful for your comments. We will continue our journey together. I hope in some way I help you on yours.

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  6. Love and hugs to you, Grammy

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