Monday, September 26, 2011

There are Days

Ever have days when you were just tired. No energy. No umph, as my mother would say. Life is sometimes overwhelming and just needs a day to voice itself. Today is my day.

I strongly dislike getting older. I can embrace it and go with the flow, but I don't like it. I'm tired. I'm tired of losing loved ones. I'm tired of living on a shoestring. I'm tired of having no control over my life. My life is controlling me. I guess this all has come about with Gabby's birthday, my son's birthday and Christmas looming in the not so far distance.

I know I'm not alone in these feelings. Who can get older and not have moments of just wanting it all back and wanting things to be easier. I know I'm not alone. Sometimes the hole seems pretty deep. I don't want to sound depressed or to bring anyone down, but I do want to let you know that there are days when we all struggle to keep our chins up. There are times when the mountain of obstacles seems impossible. We seemed locked in a situation with no way out.

So what do we do? How do we break this feeling of despair? Well, take a walk. Call a friend. Write whatever pops into your mind. You don't need to be a writer to empty the pain. Call someone you haven't talked to for a very long time. Find a support group. If you are really floundering, please get counseling. We all have times when we hit bad times in our lives. It doesn't mean that those times rule us. There is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in going to the food bank when food is scarce. There is no shame in going to family services asking for assistance. There is no shame in going to your minister and baring your soul. There is no shame.

Today I write. I took steps over the weekend to put my writing out there in order to bring more money into our household. I put a puzzle together and was brainless for several hours. Today I might even take a nap. I think it might start with putting on clean clothes, adding a little make up to my tired face and dog sitting for one of my favorite family members, one who gives me comfort. I don't need to worry about anything more than the now. It is all I can control.

Today I write that you might find hope and know you are not alone.

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