Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Not All That Important

Relax, Pam. Relax. Everything will be fine. Step away.

Okay, it's not easy to just push everything aside as say, "I'm going on vacation for a month." No, it's not easy.

Next Monday I will hop on a plane and head back to Indiana and Ohio. I'm excited to see old friends and family. In all honesty, I look forward to stepping away from stress. Being a live-in grandma adds responsibility to my life, responsibility I need to give up. Yet, I feel like I'm deserting my grandchildren. Who will be around to take them to the park? Who will make lunch for them? Who will make summer vacation exciting for them while their parents are at work? Who will listen to their silent messages?

Well, it won't be me. What I am doing is best for my family. What I am doing is best for me. I'm really not that important. I need to go home to my roots; my family will be just fine. I didn't feel this separation anxiety as much I lived alone. It is different when the family resides under one roof. The transitions that took place as my children grew up and moved away from the nest started over when I moved in with my daughter. That mom thing takes over when I have the kids every day to myself. Constantly, I tell myself that I am not responsible for them, but I am. They are a part of my daily life as I am of theirs.

I look forward to this time away to regroup and reinvent myself. This time will give me a breather and space that I have no longer in my life. It doesn't mean that I won't miss my family or love them any less. It is a time for me to be a woman of her age resting away from the 'on call' that comes with parenting.

Monday I hop on a plane. I will sit in the airports waiting, writing, stepping away into my past, my family, my friends. I hop a plane and know that all will be well in Oregon.

I am not really all that important.

2 comments:

  1. Being important is different from being indespensible.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, John. I knew that, but nice to have it said.

    ReplyDelete