Friday, April 29, 2011

I've Gotta Be Me

Sometimes life just isn't the way we want it to be. Family problem, financial difficulties, disasters just make our lives more complicated and definitely not the way we want it to be.

Some days I think my life sucks. I now do parenting for my grandchildren when they are in my care almost every day. I don't want to help with homework any more, but I do. I don't want to be the one to discipline, but I do. I don't want to have my evenings taken up with kid things, but I do. I do it. Yes, I do it. It is not the way I want things to be.

My problems are small in comparison to those who truly suffer. Tornadoes have ripped homes, towns apart. What was a normal life on Wednesday is a life far from normal on Friday. There is no going on for those people in the usual way. For those who suffered the tsunami, those war torn countries, those who are daily living from bit of food to bit of food, those who live with terminal illness have no normal days.

Sometimes I lose my perspective. The small things that irk me are so insignificant. My battles should be easily worked through instead of controlling me. Maybe I need a sign that reminds me daily that life is good. That I am indeed a lucky woman. Maybe I need a sign that says, "Remember those who are suffering". My little problems are just that. Little.

There are days that I don't feel that I'm armed for battle. A mother living with her child, her grandchildren, is difficult. Often I feel that I lose myself. I miss my life alone. I miss having my grandchildren visit. Yet my life is full. I have an opportunity to teach these girls new ways of dealing with problems. We have opportunities to laugh, to work through difficulties, to learn.

Today is a rough day. One of those days where you want to run away. There will be no running away. It is okay for me to have these days. I sometimes forget that I am allowed to still be me.

We are lucky, those of us who have a new day, even those with minor problems.

4 comments:

  1. Wow,does this sound like my day to day life. My wife has a harder time dealing with it. She really wants her life back. So do I but I put my frustration into making the kids lives better. She tends to leave them be more often and retreat to her own space.

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  2. John,

    I hear you loud and clear. It has been a rough week here. We are the protectors of these children. An important task....probably the most important of our lives. That said, we need to be healthy and happy to do that job.

    I know you are a fantastic grandfather who offers his family much. John. They may be too young to know or to say it yet so I will say it for them, "Thank you".

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  3. Today may be difficult, but you must always keep in mind that you are making memories. The tasks that seem onerous to you will be remembered by your grandgirls. You'll be recalled as a grandparent who was always there for them.

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  4. I honor the memories we are making. There is a change in my relationship with my daughter. But life is not easy for we grandparents living with our children and being responsible for much of their upbringing.

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