Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Red Flag

"It's not easy," I said when Sydney pulled out the game.

"I can do it," she replied. 

Determination. Nothing I said was going to sway her from playing the game. Stubborn? Bull-headed (as my dad would say)? Rebellious?

It is all part of the process of growing up. I know by experience as a child and as a mother. If someone said black, I said white. If someone said you can't, I was sure I could. I learned many lessons the hard way. Some left deep scars. All are remembered.

Millie is a determined pup. She knows the rules but pushes the buttons constantly. She is not a dumb dog by any means. This dog wants to try to do the things she shouldn't. Saying 'no' makes it more enticing. I see it in her eyes when she looks at me after being scolded then goes for it again. Golly, it would help if she talked. I guess if she talked, we could take her on the road as the talking dog and make a few bucks. Still she has to learn the hard way.

My ex-husband would ask my son to help him do things around the house then commenced to do them without allowing James to do it himself. He was frustrated wanting to try things he was sure he could do with or without supervision. The older he got the more determined he was to do things his way. I learned early on that I only fueled the fire if I gave him advice when he took on a project. My input only made him more determined to do things the opposite way.

When I lived in my little house, I decided that my son could do projects the way he wanted. Mistakes were made and the house became a bit flawed here and there, yet they were lessons well-learned. He learned to investigate before tackling. By his mistakes, he learned that he wasn't always right. And, I learned to let go. Still working on that.

We all learn by our mistakes. We all learn by not paying attention. Some mistakes leave scars. Some bring disappointment. Some actually teach us to do things a new way or to ask advice.

The red flag still goes up with my children and grandchildren the same as when I was a child. Parental input is difficult for many. The determination to do the opposite of a parent's input seems to stay with them. Yet, when I am asked for an opinion, I am delighted. Knowing that my grandchildren and children respect me and my life lessons, shows me that they are indeed going to find life easier in the long run. Open mind = an incredible journey through life.

"Grammy, I told everyone in my class that you live with us," Gabby said.

"Oh," I replied.

"I told them that you are fun."

Ah, those precious moments of recognition.

3 comments:

  1. Your posts are beautiful.
    They always manage to bring tears to my eyes.
    Thank you for giving me hope; and thank you for making me believe...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Letting children and grandchildren find their own way is indeed vitally important. When I try to guide my grandchildren through a project, I often find out that they have their own ideas and that their ideas are more creative than my own.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous, you got even. I sit here with tears in my eyes. As I say at the beginning of my blog, I am on a journey....and am delighted that you are coming along with me.

    Thank you for your lovely comment.

    ReplyDelete