Tuesday, September 28, 2010

In The Whiskey Barrel

Today I said 'good-bye'. I locked the door and walked away. It is time to close the door on my life of the last two years and to walk into the new one without looking back.

"I'll miss this place, Grammy," Sydney said. "We've had a lot of good times here."

She's right. We did have a lot of good times in that little place. It's different now. On the weekends when I might have them all to myself, they are with me when with Mom and with Dad and not me when with Dad. The days of Grams and girls alone are gone.  I think the kids are feeling it, too. They ask me about things we can do, but the dynamics have changed. I know I will find my stride. I'm just not sure how yet.

We packed up the last of the items. My poor son was at the end of his rope getting his mom and sister settled while he tries to settle he and Lisa in their new home. It is not a good time, and I am just feeling a little sad about it all and know I'm a strain on my children.

I re-potted the plants in the old, whiskey half-barrel, so they could be moved more easily to my son's house. The garden that I planned, planted and fed will continue to bloom if the next tenant cares. My neighbors thanked me today for planting such a lovely garden for them to enjoy from their deck. The finches are angry with me. The feeders are gone. They watch from a nearby tree scolding me for abandoning them.

The rose in the old barrel was captured in roots from the clematis that shared the pot. The rose struggled to stay alive this summer. It fought off the strangling roots and still managed a rose the size of a face. Next summer it will thrive in the sun in James' yard.

It is a change of seasons, time to cast off the old, to untangle myself and to move on. It is a time to take root in fresh soil and find a new way to grow.

This move in with my daughter and her daughters is a struggle, but daily we find new ways to make it work. Something inside of me thinks that maybe sitting in a whiskey barrel letting the sun warm me and nourish me is not such a bad thing. But for now, a season to rest.

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