Tuesday, March 9, 2010

To Change or Not To Change

I seem to have gotten lost in my own blog this week. Ways to Feel Younger. Hm. Included in ways to stay younger is also the way to stay healthier. Physical health. Mental health. Not only do we feel younger, we live longer which means we are in essence younger. We have families who need to worry less about us and get more from us. We continue active lives contributing the whole, if we so choose.

Physical healt: No other way to say it, “I’m lazy.” I hate exercise. I’ve never been athletic. Long ago I did run and even walked daily. Over passing time, I’ve become very sedentary. Yes, I’ve always danced in the privacy of my own home, which I guess that isn’t so private now. I do walk with my grandchildren. I hate to walk alone and no longer live near my friends who have walked with me in the past. Now, that seems to encompass all of my excuses. So now that I have acknowledged the fact, it’s time to get myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. No one prevents me from improving my physical self except me.

My visits to the doctor are usually for aches and pains. Arthritis seems to be creeping into the joints. One leg is shorter than the other so the chiropractor yanks on it now and then. My body is showing age. But talking about it only makes it a constant in my mind. Ever been around people who cannot talk about anything but their health? I find when I do, that I try to compete with my aches and pains. The conversation ends, and I wonder what worthy topics we talked about…..and I feel worse physically than I did before the conversation.

Last week I made a decision. One that will change me, will make me healthier and will give me a better quality of life. I decided to go to a psychologist for counseling. For years I have struggled with relationships. I have experienced more anxiety as I have gotten older. I know that there are doors in my life that I’m afraid to open. It’s time.

Being a woman of words, my first visit consisted of shoveling those words out of the stockpile. Sadly as I removed the words more took their places. I guess it could be equated to confession or maybe confusion. I walked out feeling no better or worse for the experience. This was a good thing I was doing.

Yesterday was a different story. From the ‘get go’ (a term my Dad used often) the visit was different. I entered the office smiling and full of positive energy and was brought to my knees in a few minutes. Not much was said but tears ran down my cheeks and would not stop. I had no idea where these feelings of fear were coming from and knew that I could not run from them. Doors needed to be opened. I decided at that point that everyone should have the experience. An elephant was slowly being lifted from my shoulders and a new me was evolving. This was a healthy decision.

There is nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves. On the birthday of a friend, I asked, “So how does it feel?” I asked teasingly.

“I’ve never been 60 before,” he answered. “Might as well see what happens.”
What do we take into our later years? Baggage from the past? Poor health? Pain? Loss?

What do we do to make our lives better? We have a choice. We are not too old to change. We are old enough to make changes.

2 comments:

  1. Your pain, your hope, your fear, your anxiety, your desire for change ... all of it is mine, too. I made the same decision six months ago. As you make your journey, I make mine alongside you. We may be in different physical locations, but our hearts and minds occupy the same space. Bless you.

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  2. Bravery isn't just meant for soldiers in battles in far off lands. Tackling that which we fear - such bravery. Pushing against, pushing through and pushing past that which holds us back - bravery. Christopher Robin reminded Winnie-the-Pooh and I'll remind you: “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.”

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